Reading in The Club

If there's one thing that good 'ole boys who run strip clubs don't like, it's strippers reading.

Sometimes strip clubs are very dead, particularly at the start of a shift. One can sit for hours in the club, as time passes and no money is available. While strip clubs are often dimly lit, I own a reading light that clips on to my books. Recently, I was reading "A Brief History of Time" by Stephen Hawking. The DJ, who was pacing about the club, approached me and asked,

"Whatcha readin'?"

I told him what I was reading, to which he replied that he didn't know anything about algebra or science. Since most DJs are really stupid, that didn't surprise me at all. We talked a bit about science, because I mistakenly thought he was interested in time theories. However, he quickly changed the subject to how the owner and manager didn't want me to be sitting at the bar reading, but that they didn't want to say anything to me. He mentioned how I looked unapproachable like that. He didn't mention how the club has been sued, and how the owner and manager are too afraid to tell me not to read, because I could sue them for that. He didn't mention how he wasn't supposed to be bullying an independent contractor into not reading. Luckily, I was recording everything without him knowing. Reading is awesome! I continued to read at the bar after he went away, and I also fantasized about how cool it would be to have a little read-in protest with other strippers.

The owner furiously paced around, watching me reading, but not saying anything. His circular pacing and gelled hair reminded me of a shark. It was hilarious.

My advice to other dancers who like to read books while the club is slow is to not to let bullies intimidate you into not reading at the bar. If you want to talk to customers, approach them yourself. If not, go ahead and enjoy your book. You don't have to sit blankly, staring into space as time passes. If staff bullies you for reading, just record them and sue them. Laugh at them. Know that although you may feel isolated, you are never alone. Your bomb ass settlement check will give you loads of free time to read a heaping helping of books at the local cafe or wherever you want to go.