Please Do Your Jury Duty, Liberals!

Hey Liberals, Leftists and anarchists-- I need to talk to you about something.

All my life, I have been surrounded by you people. You often victimize yourself over bullshit and state that you feel oppressed about things that aren't actually oppressive. I understand the need for constant vigilance, and I know micro-aggression is real. I know the government and system is really bad, but there's one thing that I and other marginalized groups really really need from you.

We need you to do your jury duty. We need your logical reasoning skills in a jury dispute for issues of civil rights, labor rights, women's rights and for justice. When you skip jury duty, you are potentially giving up your seat to a fucked up person, like a self-hating woman who wants all sex workers to die, or a cop, or three needle dick virgins in their 30's who don't give a shit if a club owner misclassifies and exploits strippers. These things actually happen, and court appeals are so exhausting. So please, take the day off of work, drive downtown, experience temporary inconvenience in your liberal/leftist/anarchist life, for the sake of marginalized people who end up in court. We really need you. You may understand some day if you are ever at the mercy of a jury, but most of you will never experience it yourselves. It is so much easier to sit at home and virtue signal.

Let me tell you how jury selection takes place too, so you can increase your chances of being picked. A group of people sit in a few rows. Some of them will be removed by the plaintiffs and defendants.

Questions are asked of the jury. The people who answer questions at extreme ends of an issue are weeded out or removed by the plaintiffs and defendants. For example, if you say something like,

"My roommate was a stripper and there's no way I can be unbiased because I know how clubs treat dancers."


"Of course I would be on her side! I can't not support that girl!"

You will automatically be removed from the jury pool, even before the trial begins. Bigots who hate strippers are good at keeping their mouths shut during jury selection. Generally, stupid people and right wingers sit blankly during jury selections, so sometimes there's no way to know to remove these people.

In order to stay in a jury pool, the chances increase if you appear completely blank, unbiased, undecided and brain dead.

You want to help marginalized people, don't you liberals? I've read your tweets and facebook posts. You care about Black Lives Matter, innocent people on death row, battered women, exploited workers and sex worker rights. Go to jury duty. Sit with a poker face during jury selection. Remember that the bad guys on the other side are trying to figure out your political biases so they can get rid of you and fill the jury with ignorant, murderous, exploitative pieces of shit. Remember that there is somebody in that court room who needs and depends on you, for all of the issues that your disingenuous hashtags promote.