Not quite like Love in The Time of Cholera, dancing for customers can make one nauseous and unsettled even without coronavirus. Most strip clubs are still up and running right now, despite the virus shutting down the NBA and other entertainment venues. Some clubs have bottles of hand sanitizer everywhere; some don’t. Some clubs have soap in the bathrooms and working toilets; some don’t. Some clubs have pole cleaner; some don’t. Some clubs have security staff that enforces no-touching rules; some don’t. If you are a prepper stripper, you could pay your rent ahead of time, eat your emergency food, wash with your emergency soap and not leave your bedroom. Take up webcamming if you’re tech savvy. Move to the woods if you have outdoor survival skills. If you don’t have those options and must stay in the strip club, desperately squeezing twenty dollar bills out of the lonely few customers who stream in, I’m sorry. Customers often feel they can push a dancer’s boundaries when business is slower. I’m sorry we live in a society that will not take care of our emergency needs. Sex workers will likely be the last people who the government will protect. That is why we must be strong and independent in all aspects of life. Just know that I love you more than regular people, and I am rooting for you all during these difficult times.

Let this virus be a lesson to omnivores or SJW-oriented individuals. It is completely appropriate to criticize people who eat dead body parts, particularly ones that come from fucking disgusting Chinese “wet markets.”

If I could ask Bernie Sanders a question right now, I would ask him to clarify if this flier applies to strippers: